HOW MANY OF US WANT TO DO THE WORK TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP BETTER? - RELATIONSHIP BY A. WILLIAM BENITEZ WILL MAKE YOU THINK.
When I decided to write this book on relationship, my wife Barbara was surprised and cautioned me by saying that she would not dare write such a book because it was such a varied topic with so many nuances. That scared me because she is certainly more qualified to write about relationship than I am. I hesitated for a while.
Most of my writing had been on housing, business, woodworking, even publishing, but nothing on relationship. It's an expansive topic and I wasn't sure if my information would be of real value. I considered that all my books are based on first hand experience and realized that even though I'm not an expert, I have a life time of experience in relationship. Based on that I felt able to contribute something helpful to some readers and I feel good about this book.
Grady HarpTop Contributor: Children's Books
HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWER
5.0 out of 5 stars `Relationships are not about competition between partners. It should be about giving and taking.'
Reviewed in the United States
A. William Benitez's career is not as a therapist (his work included the construction business, governmental housing official, woodworking, IT manager for Hyatt Regency, founder of Positive Imaging, LLC writing and publishing) and he succeeds in this book about Relationships because of the gentle manner in which he relates his insights. He has an innate understanding about relationships that work (he is currently happily married for 23 years in a very strong and sustainable marriage) and ones that fail (his first marriage of 17 years ended in divorce) and has the courage to admit that he is one half of each relationship - a gratifyingly honest approach to view life in retrospect as well as with introspection. Or as he states, `My goal with this book is that, as an individual, parent, grandparent, spouse, and lover, I might be able to share just a small amount of information you might find of value.'
As far as the structure of this warm book of supportive guidance is concerned the author states, `This book contains ten chapters entitled: What Is Love, What is a Good Relationship, Fostering and Nourishing Relationships, Harming Relationships, Mutual Respect, Boundaries, Marriage, Breakups and Divorce, Helpful Tips, and Final Thoughts. All the chapters contain information based almost exclusively on personal experience that I hope helps to create safe, happy, and healthy relationships.' And from that platform for discussion, we join Benitez in a drawing room atmosphere of heart to heart conversations about each of the topics he outlines.
His highlighted phrases scattered through the book are gems to ponder, phrases like `Love is caring for another person enough to want for her what she wants for herself, even if what she desires is not in your best interest.' After making statements such as this, Benitez dissects it, amplifies it with either personal experiences or postulated ones until we understand the concept completely.
So much of what is shared here is not earthshakingly original: there are therapists and erudite textbooks that serve that purpose. The reason Benitez succeeds is that he is so open and straightforward in the way he discusses those elements of humanity that must be respected in every individual in order to bond with another individual. His suggestions on how to nurture a relationship are simple but so often forgotten (as in the infinitely important art of conversing), his explanation of how to respect boundaries is as solid as anyone has written, and his definitions of how relationships can be harmed is especially poignant (and he is not afraid to discuss spousal abuse openly).
A few other phrases that stand out: `Regard your partner with consideration, appreciation, and acceptance just as she is, not as you believe she should be. Accept and value your partner's point of view even if it differs from yours. Honor your partner's right to privacy by not intruding, interfering, or spying.' `Boredom and predictability can hurt relationships as can the lack of joy and spontaneity.' This is a book of wisdom from experience - one that will touch many aspects of each reader's viewpoints and hopefully will provide examples for change where change is needed. Grady Harp
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